My Confused Life

Every night before i sleep , I say to myself :"come on manal, u have to make some change in your life" . I get very anxious about it and I start planning for the next day; the things that need to be changed , the things that've been missing in my life for sooooo long.

I wake up LATE the next morning. Feeling down and sleepy. It takes me more than half an hour to get up from my bed. And the hours go by; without me doing anything useful.

Whenever I'm with friends,they start talking about their lives. Most of them are married with kids. Although it really bores me, but I can feel the happiness in their voice tones! They live for a reason. But me? Huh I have no clue!

Whenever I get depressed I start looking for the bright sides in my life! I am doing my MBA , I have a great family, Mom and Dad are out of this world. They are the best parents that anyone could ever have!I have 4 wonderful Brothers with lots of nephews and nieces. I am surrounded by people who loves me! Great friends whom I wouldn't trade with the world.

BUT, I just can't feel happiness.. is it بطر? I don't think it is..

Sometimes when I feel down I remember the saying : "في القلب فراغ لا يملأه إلا الله". Is that the reason for all what I am getting through! I do pray and do my religious chores.. But is that enough? I sometimes feel that I am spiritually poor.

Eh! I never had the talent to write; and of course it shows! I just cant get my thoughts together! I just wanted to let things off my chest!! wishing that it makes me feel a little bit better!! I hope it did!